
I am hungry again.
PHEW.
I am hungry for a lot of things. I want to eat a lot of food that I make myself, I want to redo my website, I want to hang out with my friends voraciously, somehow all at the same time, and for weeks. I want to get into some deep conversations over some new whiskey cocktails. I want to combine some revival, some newness, with a touch of the best of the old. I want it to rain here in Seattle, sooner than it normally would.

Peter and I were married in early September. We were busy for months prior. As months turned to weeks it was more intense, and as weeks turned to days, there was a lull of weird silence, and then it all started up again. Over the course of these months, we learned so much. We learned more about our friends, how we deal with more stress than either of us has ever had, what being truly busy actually meant, and what honestly really mattered. Many a time, we would come to the conclusion that as long as we ended up married by the end of the day on September third, we had done a good job, and nothing else was as important. (We did).

The weeks prior to our wedding, we were both very weird when it came to food. We never really felt like eating, and when we did, we were never really satisfied. It was strange that we both felt the same (but oddly consoling). We wanted comfort food, but then didn’t eat a lot of it and always felt everything was a little bland, boring, or just uninspiring. We went out to eat a lot at many of our favorite places just to get out of the house, and of course brought the conversations we would have had in the house to where we were. There was a neverending conversation of the same things, but they had to be covered again and again. There really were a few days in there where I thought I would never have an appetite again. It was ridiculous. I was worried I would be bored with food, with making meals to eat, eating because I had to, stop creating and wanting to learn. We would get a lot of partially pre-made foods and add a touch of something here or there that took no more than twenty minutes so we could go to bed early, then woke up and we were tired anyway. Not to be totally depressing, these weeks were very exciting and we couldn’t stop talking about all of it because we simply didn’t want to.
The day of the wedding, Peter and I were, of course, exhausted. I am pretty sure this is normal, but it sucked anyway. We apparently broke a million laws by sleeping in the same bed on Friday night and seeing each other the morning of the wedding day, but it was so nice and probably really one of the best moments in the whole day. Around 10:00 am, my bridesmaids, photographer, hairdresser and mom showed up. I think it was around then that internally my body went “f*ck”. I had one quarter of a mimosa and a third of a bagel with lox before I felt like I was going to puke a little bit. This was a new and odd sensation for me. When I’m overwhelmed or nervous, usually I get a really bad headache, but this day I felt totally barfy. So I obtained some smoothies, tums and saltines. I looked over my vows and put them down, closed my eyes, opened them, walked around, changed, changed again, drank two whole Nalgenes of water, told myself I was dumb.
Eating was kind of out of the question, which was just so stupid. I was frustrated. I heard that Peter ate a sandwich and I was jealous and massively grossed out at the same time. It was annoying and weird. On the outside I felt really good and really excited to get to my party. I tried a banana.
It was a truly very lovely summer day here, a tad too hot for Peter in his three-piece suit, and pretty much just right for me. We had a small ceremony and then a larger reception, where we welcomed guests from many different eras in our lives, older and younger, people we just met to people we have known forever. Our ceremony was as perfect as we could have ever asked for; we didn’t fumble over our words or vows, drop our rings or pass out. It may have been a little too perfect. Nothing really went wrong aside from the fact that during some transportation of my wedding dress, the string to the corset was gone. No big.

I thought I would get married in jeans and a glitzy little robe with the word “Bride” on it – something that I thought I would never wear but was surprisingly happy and proud to have.

We found ribbon from the woman who owned the home on the property where our wedding would take place.

Relief.

Veraci pizza catered the wedding and I think one of the best decisions we made during the crazy planning time was to add the caprese salad in the mix towards the last minute because I totally shoved my face with that when the ceremony ended, and it was about all I ate that evening.



We had Mac and Jack’s beer in a keg.

We had big old galvanized buckets with wine, sparkling spring waters and true Mexican coke.


We had lawn games.

We had vintage umbrellas from Bella Umbrella.


We had old jars collected from antique stores months prior, filled with flowers from local companies (booyah, Mom, for all the work on this).




We had friends helping us with these flowers, with the setup of the tent, with everything, even the ceremony.


We had family.

We had friends.

We had champion speeches.

We had moments of “this went too fast”.

We had success.

This was a time of our lives that was so crazy and so stressful nearly bringing me to a few moments where I thought maybe I should talk to a therapist. Humans are strange, though. I know I had these feelings, but now I somehow, magically, surprisingly feel like I would actually like to do it all again (except for the barf part). I would feel that again, because it was all so good, really. It’s neat (and probably survival) that our bodies allow us to remember the best over the worst, the pleasure of the whole experience more than the pain of certain moments.
So we’re slowly getting back into it, and we are hungry again. There are nights when warming up some soup and making grilled cheese sounds like about all we could handle, but maybe we’d use some really good cheese and make our own soup. Maybe we’d add some heirloom tomatoes. Maybe we’d make our own bread.
We are beginning. We are together. We have good, important responsibilities and new promises.

I am different. I married Peter (nee-nur, nee-nur). This is what has joyously consumed me for the better part of a year. This is what has mattered. I often think about how if everyone just knew what I knew about him, how he’s always so good, so kind, so deeply wanting to always do the best thing, I would be featured somewhere on some cover on some magazine about the richest person in the world.

*Credit goes to Peter Ehinger (the name) and Kenny Howard (the inspiration). Please no suing.
Thank you, Hannah Marie Schmale, for taking our pictures, for being so serious about this while making us laugh real laughs and for being lighthearted and happy in all your times of life.